This is yet another spoken-for post, going out to a friend here in Good ol' Aomori. Read, then cast your vote. You decide the fate of this court case. *The only knowledge I have about court cases comes from TV shows that I don't watch, and Sci-Fi shows that I do watch, so just roll with it.
"Order in the court!" Judge Whip R. Snapper bellowed from her bench hitting her gavel as hard as she could against her platform. The courtroom settled down.
"Let's see," she looked at her paper. "Today we have Captain Slowtoad of the SS Kart prosecuting, and 'Kid with Klinefelter's Syndrome so be nice to -' err...I mean, DKizzle defending. You two may janken for who presents their case first to the jury."
"Saissho a gu, janken PO!" Rocks and scissors, the prosecution would give their case first.
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury," the Captain's lawyer began, "we believe that 'gnar' as in 'shredding the gnar' and 'shred the gnar-gnar,' among other uses, not only deserves a G in the front, but it's very use in words such as 'gnarly' mandate it as a requirement. Furthermore, omitting the G paves the way for confusing and needless homophony, as in 'Do you understand this? Nar.' or 'Are you ok? Narp.' With this in mind, we submit that gnar, spelled correctly with a G in front, is necessary in this day and age. Thank you."
"Defense may rise," Whip said.
"We, as the defense, disagree wholeheartedly with the prosecution. Putting a G in front of nar will invariably lead to people pronouncing it phonetically: 'guh-nar,' which ruins the flow whilst one be shredding said nar. And imagine, if you will, ladies and gentlemen, little nar-shredders riding a wave or carving down a mountain telling their papas and mamas 'look mom, I'm shredding the guh-nar guh-nar.' The defense believes that adding a G will ruin correct pronunciation, leading to the inability to explain what one is shredding, which will eventually lead to the downfall of the United States of America by way of decreased exports of America's number 1 shredded commodity, nar. The defense rests its case."
"Ok, the prosecution may call up its first witness. The author, creator, and giant panda that secretly controls the world's dictionaries, 'The Japanda formerly known as JishoPanda,'" Whip intoned.
The prosecution confidently strolled to the platform as The Japanda formerly known as JishoPanda was sworn in. It's belly undulated in pleasure at the eucalyptus-printed book.
"Japanda, is it true that you control all of the dictionaries in the world?"
"Yes, every single one."
"For how long have you been in control?"
"Ever since I inherited power from Jitenarwhal in 1850."
"Wow, you must have seen a lot of changes, right?"
"OBJECTION!" The kid with klinefelter's screamed. "Unnecessary small-talk!"
"Objection over-ruled, you may continue with your questioning, prosecution."
"As I was saying, you've seen a lot of changes. Now, have you run across the word 'gnar' in any of your dictionaries?"
"Yes, I have. There are two entries with different spellings in my urbandictionary.com site. It makes me hungry and aggressive."
"Please, tell me, my gracious spotted roly-poly biped, how many entries are there for 'gnar' with a G, and 'gnar' without a G?"
"There are 35 with a G and 20 without a G. Of the 20 without a G, numerous ones are for 'nar' meaning 'a negatory response meaning 'no'.'
"OBJECTION!" Klinefelter's screamed, "Negatory isn't a word!"
"Objection, sustained. Witness's validity is under question."
"Oh really?" Japanda asked. "Have you checked all of my dictionaries? I'm like a hippopotamus/my entries are bottomless/ bubbling from my throat like phosphorescent phosphorous/can you check it like Kid Rock's proctologist?/I write-sleep-eat and quiz-it like Stephanopoulos."
"Objection over-ruled. The Japanda has a point." Whip R. Snapper was entranced by the hypnotic circles on it's belly that moved in time with the rap.
"The prosecution is finished. 35 entries to 20."
"Defense has no questions, but calls philosopher and linguist Noam Chompsky to the platform."
The panda hip-hop kibbles-and bits'ed off the platform, only to be replaced by cunning linguist and philosopher, among other accomplishments, Mr. Chompsky.
"The defense would like you ask you a few question, Mr. Chompsky."
"Much Obliged."
"Sir, could you explain the etymology of the word, specifically in BCUva philosophy?"
"Much Obliged. Clearly 'nar' comes from the thing which one must shred. Now, this shredding can happen in both a physical and metaphysical sense, and in many times, occurs in both simultaneously. However, and this is an important point we will return to, the 'nar' which one may or may not shred is not necessarily a material object. Depending on the speaker and the topic, 'nar' may encompass a wide variety of objects, emotions, though nearly all are positive, and actions."
"Would you consider 'nar' to be related to gnat, if it were to include a G?"
"While both contain the silent G sound, that is their only similarity."
"Thank you, the defense rests." The Klinefelter's kid shot the Captain a look filled with malice and minor mental disability.
"Prosecution."
"Yes Madame Snapper. Now, Mr. Chompsky, it is interesting that you bring up that gnat and gnar have only one similarity. Can you think of gnar, with a G, having similarity with any other word?"
"Much obliged, but not off the top of my head."
"What about 'gnarly?'"
The court gasped.
"Ahh yes, gnarly, one of it's alternate definitions bears much in kind with 'gnar.' I supposed there is quite a number of geographic and usage similarities, it must've slipped my mind."
"Furthermore, when something is 'gnarly' in the gnarled up sense of the word, how might one fix the problem."
"I'm not sure what you're-"
"Would someone, perhaps, grate or slice it?"
"Well yes-"
"Or perhaps, one could do both at the same time and shred it, wouldn't you say so, Dr.?"
"Well, that is certainly true."
"And, in the context of a mountain, which one might say is a gnarled up ball of dirt and rocks, couldn't one philosophize that it's natural form would be as 'plains,' Dr.?"
"I see what you are getting at, if one was to shred gnar, the gnar in this case being a mountain with snow, one could be performing the action of shredding a gnar that is both related to something 'gnarled,' as well as something that derives from the Californian slang 'gnarly.'"
"Yea brah, yea. Prosecutions rests, Dawg."
"Ok, you have both done a good job of presenting your cases. The jury will take time to deliberate the answer and return with a verdict."
Ok, whoever is reading this blog, I want your votes. It will determine the outcome of this story. Which is it, gnar or nar? Feel free to discuss in the comments.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Snow(boarding, ball-fight) and How to Distinguish the Crazies
Hello Readers,
'Tis a fine day in Hachinohe. The weather is hovering around -4ish (Celsius, so maybe mid to high 20's Fahrenheit) and there is a small layer of snow coating the ground. And I'll be heading to Okunakayama tonight for some snowboarding. Yes, life couldn't be better. I also had a fulfilling weekend last weekend. I finally snowboarded on the infamous Mount Hakkoda! The snow there was perfect. It was so powdery that, when I fell, it felt like I was being cushioned by a big marshmallow pillow. And you what what it means when you're not afraid of falling, right? You aren't afraid of learning! Yeah, going off jumps, no problem, carving down a slope, no problem.
Perhaps the best part of Hakkoda is that it's back-country. This means that the 2 courses (the rest are back-country, and you go down at your own peril) have trees, interesting, windy courses, and are so much more fun. It's so much better than a regular downhill course. Going through the trees and along small paths is wicked intense!
On Sunday was the Shichinohe White Battle. Here's the gist of it: 3 minutes to pummel your 7 opponents from your stockpile of 90 snowballs, or capture their flag. Oh yeah, this is a serious thing, there are even umpires surrounding the fields. It was more fun than it sounds. We annihilated the first team. We only lost one of ours compared to all 7 of them; even successfully defending against a rush to our flag at the end. The second game...not so good. Half of our team was out within 30 seconds. Yours truly was gone before he could even get behind the first barrier! It's really too bad it ended so quickly, it was wicked fun.
So, that was a good way to spend a weekend- it was super satisfying.
You wanna know what else is satisfying? This here Q&A session. I'm not sure why the Republicans agreed to such a thing, and why they bowed under pressure to air the entire Q&A when they were originally going to air only Obama's opening speech (though, depending on the spin of the site you go to, some will say they bowed under White House pressure to air it, others will say that it was a GOP idea to air it). Why am I confused why they would air such a thing? Because it gives a direct outlet for the President to refute all of their spin in front of the American people. When you can have nigh-unlimited control of the message you are sending the people, why would you ever let an intelligent leader come and prove the core of your messages wrong? Obviously, I loved it, especially when the President deftly refutes Congressman Pence's loaded question on the economy. If you would like to see exactly what he was refuting, so you can get a clear, unbiased look at the GOP's viewpoints, please, look at their 30 page (well, around that much, I guess Cover Pages and Table of Contents shouldn't really be included...) "solution" on their website http://www.gop.gov/solutions . Maybe you should read that first and then watch the video, so you can get a look at where the logic is faulty. (And yes, the solution to all of the problems we currently have in the USA need only 30 pages to fix!).
Ok, done with politics for now.
As a frequent reader of news on the interwebs, I run across many people with opinions who've commented on articles by equally opinionated (yet payed) people. Some of them sound ok, until their logic begins to devolve into a meaningless mash of falsities lying somewhere between Barney the Magic Dinosaur and your 10 year old cousin's book of funnies. I present to you part of my short guide to vocabulary for the crazies are on the internet:
Noplanhagen, Plight House, other random mix-mash of famous events/locations that belie conspiracy- These people are the conspiracy theorists. They are the ones who think that the moon is sending gamma waves to affect the brains of politicians around the world in order to get them to trash the earth and force a move to the moon, because it's so lonely (to those learning English and are reading my blog, that sentence is probably gonna be a toughie). Usually their posts start off ok. Many times it's with an easily proven fact, such as "Most humans have 10 fingers." From there, it is a downhill conspiracy theory spiral: "But after the 'climate short-change' meetings at Noplanhagen (for those not in the know, there was a big climate-change meeting in Copenhagen, Denmark recently), soon we're all going to have 13 fingers and 14 toes due to the increased emission of nuclear power plants." Once you hit one of those signals, just stop reading, it's just better for your health that way.
Bass-ackwards- Oh how clever and witty you are, with your swapping of the first letter on bass-ackwards! These people are also part of the crazies. They're usually the ones who write something like "it's people with degrees who got us into this problem, so why don't you try letting the people WITHOUT degrees try solving it." There is something charming about the logic. These people, like conspiracy theorists, can be found all over the internet. Again, once you hit this keyword, just ignore the rest of the comment.
That ends the very short guide to the crazies on the internet. Keep on the lookout though, you might just be reading a crazies' blog! Japan? More like Joe'sPan, ohh!
'Tis a fine day in Hachinohe. The weather is hovering around -4ish (Celsius, so maybe mid to high 20's Fahrenheit) and there is a small layer of snow coating the ground. And I'll be heading to Okunakayama tonight for some snowboarding. Yes, life couldn't be better. I also had a fulfilling weekend last weekend. I finally snowboarded on the infamous Mount Hakkoda! The snow there was perfect. It was so powdery that, when I fell, it felt like I was being cushioned by a big marshmallow pillow. And you what what it means when you're not afraid of falling, right? You aren't afraid of learning! Yeah, going off jumps, no problem, carving down a slope, no problem.
Perhaps the best part of Hakkoda is that it's back-country. This means that the 2 courses (the rest are back-country, and you go down at your own peril) have trees, interesting, windy courses, and are so much more fun. It's so much better than a regular downhill course. Going through the trees and along small paths is wicked intense!
On Sunday was the Shichinohe White Battle. Here's the gist of it: 3 minutes to pummel your 7 opponents from your stockpile of 90 snowballs, or capture their flag. Oh yeah, this is a serious thing, there are even umpires surrounding the fields. It was more fun than it sounds. We annihilated the first team. We only lost one of ours compared to all 7 of them; even successfully defending against a rush to our flag at the end. The second game...not so good. Half of our team was out within 30 seconds. Yours truly was gone before he could even get behind the first barrier! It's really too bad it ended so quickly, it was wicked fun.
So, that was a good way to spend a weekend- it was super satisfying.
You wanna know what else is satisfying? This here Q&A session. I'm not sure why the Republicans agreed to such a thing, and why they bowed under pressure to air the entire Q&A when they were originally going to air only Obama's opening speech (though, depending on the spin of the site you go to, some will say they bowed under White House pressure to air it, others will say that it was a GOP idea to air it). Why am I confused why they would air such a thing? Because it gives a direct outlet for the President to refute all of their spin in front of the American people. When you can have nigh-unlimited control of the message you are sending the people, why would you ever let an intelligent leader come and prove the core of your messages wrong? Obviously, I loved it, especially when the President deftly refutes Congressman Pence's loaded question on the economy. If you would like to see exactly what he was refuting, so you can get a clear, unbiased look at the GOP's viewpoints, please, look at their 30 page (well, around that much, I guess Cover Pages and Table of Contents shouldn't really be included...) "solution" on their website http://www.gop.gov/solutions . Maybe you should read that first and then watch the video, so you can get a look at where the logic is faulty. (And yes, the solution to all of the problems we currently have in the USA need only 30 pages to fix!).
Ok, done with politics for now.
As a frequent reader of news on the interwebs, I run across many people with opinions who've commented on articles by equally opinionated (yet payed) people. Some of them sound ok, until their logic begins to devolve into a meaningless mash of falsities lying somewhere between Barney the Magic Dinosaur and your 10 year old cousin's book of funnies. I present to you part of my short guide to vocabulary for the crazies are on the internet:
Noplanhagen, Plight House, other random mix-mash of famous events/locations that belie conspiracy- These people are the conspiracy theorists. They are the ones who think that the moon is sending gamma waves to affect the brains of politicians around the world in order to get them to trash the earth and force a move to the moon, because it's so lonely (to those learning English and are reading my blog, that sentence is probably gonna be a toughie). Usually their posts start off ok. Many times it's with an easily proven fact, such as "Most humans have 10 fingers." From there, it is a downhill conspiracy theory spiral: "But after the 'climate short-change' meetings at Noplanhagen (for those not in the know, there was a big climate-change meeting in Copenhagen, Denmark recently), soon we're all going to have 13 fingers and 14 toes due to the increased emission of nuclear power plants." Once you hit one of those signals, just stop reading, it's just better for your health that way.
Bass-ackwards- Oh how clever and witty you are, with your swapping of the first letter on bass-ackwards! These people are also part of the crazies. They're usually the ones who write something like "it's people with degrees who got us into this problem, so why don't you try letting the people WITHOUT degrees try solving it." There is something charming about the logic. These people, like conspiracy theorists, can be found all over the internet. Again, once you hit this keyword, just ignore the rest of the comment.
That ends the very short guide to the crazies on the internet. Keep on the lookout though, you might just be reading a crazies' blog! Japan? More like Joe'sPan, ohh!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)